Hey mama! So, you might be feeling a little overwhelmed with all the information (or lack thereof) about giving birth. But don't worry, I’ve done 4 times myself, and attended several others! Here are 6 lessons I learned about giving birth that may help you feel more prepared to create a birth plan.

1.Epidurals are not the only form of pain relief available during labor

When I was in early pregnancy with my first baby, I was considering whether to apply to be in the care of midwives or not. I didn't know much about the differences between midwifery and OB practices, but one main point I knew I needed clarification on was pain management - what was available and what a midwife vs an OB would be able to administer for me.

Epidurals are a well-known form of pain relief during labor, and I assumed I would be taking that option the moment it was offered - but had no idea that they are not the only option available.

Other forms of pain relief include nitrous oxide (laughing gas), and natural methods such as hypnobirthing, acupuncture and massage. These options can provide a more natural and less invasive form of pain relief.

Question for your care provider: What forms of pain relief are available to me at my planned birth location, and how do I prepare to include those options in my birth plan?

2.You don't have to give birth in the hospital

If you are interested in having the option to give birth in a more relaxed and intimate setting (ie your home, or a birthing centre) you will need to be in the care of midwives. They are also able to accommodate a hospital birth if that is your preference or their recommendation, but the option for an out of hospital birth will not be available to you if your primary care giver is an OB.

Giving birth allows you to have more control over the birthing process and can provide a more personalized experience. This option is safe for low-risk pregnancies and has similar or better outcomes compared to hospital births.

I've given birth twice and home and twice in hospital (at the recommendation of my midwives) and a home birth does provide a uniquely calm and serene experience. It would have been my preference every time if the conditions of my pregnancy and labour had allowed for it.

Question for your midwife: Would you outline for me any risks, specific to my pregnancy, that could arise from an out of hospital birth, as well as the benefits it would provide me?

3.You don't have to give birth lying on your back

There are so many birthing positions that can help make the delivery process easier on your body. Consider standing up, sitting down, on your hands and knees - and sometimes lying down on your back actually is what your body needs. Experiment with different positions to find what feels most comfortable for you.

When I learned this, I really did expect myself to end up moving around and exploring unconventional positions (and I did throughout labour) but in the end, I ended up lying on my back for all four of my deliveries! That's what my body needed, and it felt good to know that I has explored all the options, and knew to follow my body's lead.

Question for your care provider: In what positions are you willing to help me birth my baby?

4.Your mindset matters - and there are ways you can change that if it's not in a good place yet

Your mindset during pregnancy and birth can have a significant impact on your experience. Approaching the process with an open mentality helps you stay strong through the challenges of labour, and resilient when things don’t go according to plan. Working to develop a positive and adaptable mindset will help you to remain empowered and in control of your experience - regardless of how it actually unfolds.

You will probably poop during labor - and NO one cares!

This is a common concern (for first time moms especially) and it can be an uncomfortable thought for moms in labour. It's a completely normal and natural part of the birthing process, and every single nurse, doctor or midwife are used to it. Don't let this concern distract you during your delivery, or hold you back from letting your body's natural forces take over.

Remember, birth isn’t just a physical event—it’s an emotional and mental process, too. Your body and hormones can often do incredible things to support you physically, but when things don’t go as planned, that’s beyond your control. Focus on what you can manage, reach out for support when you need it, and trust that each birth is unique. Embracing this mindset can help you move through the process with more peace and confidence, and in the end, it will help you hold onto a more meaningful and positive memory of the whole experience.

Question for your care provider: What can I do now to learn about coping emotionally and mentally in labour?

5.You Can Take Your Time

Labor is a time of great intensity, and it’s important to remember that you don’t need to rush through any part of it. Listen to your body and honour what it needs—and as hard as it is, be patient with yourself. Whether it’s taking a pause to catch your breath, deciding if you want pain relief, or just gathering your thoughts, this whole process works on yours and your baby's timeline, and no one else's. Feel empowered to ask your care team to wait while you make a decision, or let them know you need a moment before continuing.

Each time I gave birth, my labor was a deeply internal and primal experience. I naturally (and beyond my control) turned inward, staying focused on each sensation and task at hand. During these moments, it was often difficult for me to hear outside comments, process my care providers' requests, or answer any questions. My husband, however, was always the one to step in and reach me there when communication was necessary. I made the decision ahead of time that he would be the one to support me in this way, and I trusted him to stay between my natural state and any important decisions or interventions that needed to be made.

In the midst of the intensity of labor, you may not always remember or be able to clearly express your preferences. This is where your support team comes in—they are there to help communicate on your behalf, ensuring your wishes are honoured when you might be too overwhelmed to voice them yourself.

Question for your care provider: Can we find a way for you to communicate with me during labor so I can understand when it’s safe to take time to consider your suggestions, and when I need to follow your guidance for a safe delivery?

6.You Have Options for Postpartum Treatment as well

As you prepare for labor, it’s equally important to consider your preferences for the postpartum period. This is the time when your body begins to heal, and your bond with your newborn starts to form. Having a plan in place for the immediate hours and days after birth can help ensure that you feel supported through, what may be, a tough physical and emotional transition period. Think about things like the timing of skin-to-skin contact, the approach to newborn procedures, and how you want to begin your breastfeeding journey. Even though birth itself can often be unpredictable, your postpartum care is an area where you can express your desires and make decisions that align with your values.

I always wanted everything after delivery to feel like it was happening in slow motion. Coming down from the adrenaline rush of childbirth was physically and emotionally draining, and I needed a peaceful, controlled environment. I wanted immediate skin-to-skin contact with my baby, as little intervention as possible, and plenty of care and attention from my husband—pretty much no one else. My midwife team understood this, and by the time I delivered my fourth baby, and she was rushed out of the room by the NICU team, my midwife knew I needed clear communication about the specific reasons for the rush. She also knew that I would need her to care for my baby while I couldn’t, leaving my husband to support me until I was ready to let him join her.

Take time to consider if you want your baby placed directly on your chest right after birth? Are you open to delayed cord clamping or would you prefer to make the decision later? What are your thoughts on newborn vaccinations and procedures like eye ointment or Vitamin K shots? Feel confident that you can ask questions about these things, and request clarification on how and why they will be carried out. No question is a dumb question when it comes to medical procedures. Having these discussions ahead of time can help your care team support your choices while allowing you to focus on your recovery and connecting with your baby.

Question for your care provider: What are your protocols for immediate skin-to-skin contact, delayed cord clamping, and newborn procedures? How can we work together to align your recommended practices with my postpartum preferences?

I hope this information helps you feel more confident and excited about creating a birth plan!

The main takeaway I want you to have is that you have options, the ability to make decisions for yourself, and the right to ask questions. If you feel like your care provider doesn’t support this, consider switching providers, seeking second opinions, or hiring a doula to help guide you through any challenges.

Feel free to reach out if you have any questions about my personal experiences—I love talking about birth! (But please note, I’m not qualified to offer medical advice or comment on others’ situations.)

Birth can be a beautiful and empowering experience, and while it may be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, it shouldn’t be the scariest!

If you’re still looking for a  Calgary Birth Photographer, click here to see my portfolio of Birth Photography or here to see my Maternity and Newborn Photography.